Elsa Boys
by Kurokawa
Summary: [Xenosaga] A story about the adventures of the crew of the Elsa before Xenosaga.
1. Chapter 1: Midnight Snack

Title: The Elsa Boys  
  
Author: Kurokawa/Shinichiro/Niki-sama/Oreo-sama/Billie  
  
Warnings: Boredom.  
  
Disclaimer: No matter how much I dream at night, I still don't seem to own Xenosaga.  
  
Chapter 1: Midnight Snack  
  
Small footsteps could be heard isolated through the long metal halls as they sounded off all the walls with each burdened step. The pale eyes of the being peered inside a cozy room with the essence of knowledge about it. It was an all too familiar scene, yet the smells and the feelings were all different at night.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing up so late?" Boomed a voice, seemingly breaking the peace. Hammer took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes so he could see better.  
  
"I couldn't sleep." He said quietly as he stepped into the room, "what are you doing?"  
  
"Nothin'." His blonde friend, Tony, replied simply as he looked back to whatever he was cooking up. Hammer shifted the blanket more over his head as he looked over Tony's shoulders. After a second, Tony's peeved eyes wandered backwards at Hammer.  
  
"Whaat?" Hammer said in an annoyed voice himself, "that isn't nothing!" Tony looked back at the steam rising from the white heap and shook his head.  
  
"Fine. It's food." He muttered. Hammer reached out a finger and touched it.  
  
"Are.....your sure about that?" Hammer questioned, frightened at the thought of Tony attempting to cook food.  
  
"You eat it, dontcha?!" Tony said angrily, swiping up the small bowl in his hands, "Now ya got geek germs all over it."  
  
"Well excuse me." Hammer said, actually wishing he had some of the white mass to eat, "Why are you making 'it' so late at night?" Tony studied the white thing a bit more before answering.  
  
"I was hungry." He said.   
  
"Well so am I." Hammer's stomach growled.  
  
"I'm not sharing." Tony said, picking up one of his utensils.   
  
"You ungrateful..." Hammer began, but he wasn't about to pick a fight late at night...in fact, ever. Tonight must have just been one of those nights.   
  
Hammer sat next to Tony, who partially turned sideways so that Hammer wouldn't try to take his glob. Hammer sighed deeply, wrapping his blanket around himself more.  
  
"Hey, do you think the captain will ever get outta debt?" He said in a sort of whine. Tony fed himself a bit of the goop then coughed slightly.  
  
"Aristotle Orassis once said, 'The secret of business is knowing something no one else does'." Tony said clearly. Hammer's face completely changed into a suprised one.  
  
"Wow Tony, how'd you know that?" Hammer said with an interested tone in his voice.  
  
"Someone told me to remember that once and then this ass told me I'd forget it the next day so I showed him." Tony said, stuffing another spoonful of whiteness into his mouth.  
  
"Oh." Hammer said. He could have guessed as much, "Hey Tony, you--"  
  
"Dude, what's with all the questions?" Tony said, finally turning towards Hammer. Hammer didn't talk for a moment then smiled.  
  
"I have no idea! Good night!" Hammer got up and brushed himself off, even though he had nothing on him. He walked towards the door and was almost out of it then he heard a sound.  
  
"Hey..." Hammer tuned around. Tony was bent over his bowl, "....Hammer...why doncha just....hang out with me?" Tony mumbled under his breath. Suddenly, a big smile sweeped Hammer's features.  
  
  
  
"Hey Tony...!"  
  
AN: Sorry if this is just boring/annoying/a waste of your time. If you didn't like it then flame me good, not stupidly. Bwanhahaha! This on;y came to be because I was so eager to write something and I couldn't get to sleep, so i wrote about them not being able to sleep. Aren't I clever *long pause* err....ciao! *hide* 


	2. Chapter 2: Vacation

Chapter 2: Vacation  
  
Tony held a thermometer in one hand and a wet rag in the other as he briskly walked down the halls and stopped at the beginning of Hammer's room. He sighed deeply then went in. Hammer was asleep on the bed. Without a second's hesitation, he stuck the thermometer into hammer's mouth. After a few seconds he picked it up again. It was a high number. Only to be expected. After all, Hammer had called in sick today and the Elsa was a sitting duck. Tony glared at the thermometer, as if mentally making it change its mind about Hammer's fever. Tony looked down on the sleeping Hammer and was determined to get him better. He lifted up his bangs and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Hammer jumped up, eyes small and frightened.  
  
"Tony! What the hell was that for?!" Hammer yelled. Tony's face got even angrier.  
  
"You were awake?!" He said back, "you were pretending to sleep?!"  
  
"That hardly matters! You kissed me! Now I'm gay!" Hammer cried.  
  
"Oh shut-up! Doncha know guys can kiss each other's foreheads? It's totally normal!" Tony said, standing up and pointing down at the disgusted Hammer.  
  
"Nu-uh! I've never heard of forehead kissing! Arg, how can I live with myself?!" Hammer wiped his forehead with his sleeve. Tony couldn't stand it; he shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"Listen, my ma told me that kissing your forehead was like feeling it with your hand to see ifn it was hot, but it worked better!"  
  
"Oh, your mother said it then. Well it's perfectly normal for a mother to kiss her child, now isn't it?" Hammer said yet again. Tony growled.  
  
"Ok, Hammer. I just came in here see how you were doin' and this is how ya thank me. Well then, whatever! I'm goin' back to the Captain, ya liar." Tony said, turning around furiously to the door.  
  
"No... Tony! Don't go!" Hammer called, "I...I just needed a break from work, it's been killing me." Tony stopped and turned around.  
  
"I won't tell the Captain if you don't tell chaos about the...you know." Tony said in a quieted voice. Hammer nodded. As if on cue, chaos came into the room.  
  
"Hello, guys. I heard yelling, is everything all right?" chaos said in his usual calm voice. Hammer nodded as Tony came back in completely and lay down on the bed above Hammer's. chaos sat down on the chair Tony had sat in. He smiled at both of their awkward faces and then sighed a bit.  
  
"Since Hammer's sick, no one can work on the Elsa. Now we all have a lot of free time." chaos said, as if leading on to something, "I thought I'd come here to comfort you."  
  
"Thanks." Hammer said, looking away, "That's really nice."  
  
"Hey! I didn't get any thanks! Oh ya, give everything to the pixie because he came in while you were awake. Ya, I see how it is." Tony muttered from above Hammer. Hammer kicked Tony's bed, almost tossing him out of it.  
  
"Thanks a lot, Romeo." Hammer chuckled. Tony looked over the side of the bed with his head rested on his crossed arms, ignoring what Hammer had just said.  
  
"So chaos, whatcha plan ta does? I never imagined no work would be so damned boring." Tony yawned.  
  
"Well," chaos said enthusiastically, as though he was just waiting for someone to ask, "I thought maybe I could read a book to Hammer."  
  
"Ooh, what book?" Hammer said. Tony yawned again. chaos lifted a real book up in his hands. One with pages and a cover like they used to make them before computers consumed everyone's life.   
  
"This one." chaos said, reading the cover, 'Sleeping Beauty'."  
  
"Oh no." Tony moaned. Hammer laughed a bit as chaos began to read the story.   
  
So for a vacation this one wasn't what you'd call a wonderful time...but it was better than working.   
  
  
  
"And they lived happily ever after..."  
  
AN: yup. Another chapter. and you guessed right, I'm playing sick today. I can't wait until something else average happens to me that can happen to the crew. These guys are real fun to right about! Oh yaaaa! 


	3. Chapter 3: Friendship?

Chapter 3: Friendship...?  
  
The Elsa was pulling into a U.M.N checkpoint for gas, toll, and all the normal things that all the ships had to go through before entering a new colony. The ship ahead of them pulled out and the Elsa was next. As Tony pulled the ship only feet further, a fresh-faced woman appeared on the big screen in front of the crew on the bridge.  
  
Tony yawned and put his feet on the steering wheel. He had heard his basic facts read to him more than he had ever hoped.  
  
"The Elsa von Brabant. Crew of 4 working under the Kukai Foundation. Departing from the Dock Colony to the Greenhouse Colony..."  
  
"Ya, ya. You know, we know...what's with all the damn verification?" Tony moaned. Hammer, who was also in a relaxed position, yawned in reply.  
  
"One word. Pro-to-cal. Some people get paid to tell people where they're going an keeping record, you know."  
  
"Hey!" Tony argued, "That is MORE than one word." Hammer sighed agitatedly.  
  
"Oh come on don't make matters worse." Hammer sighed deeply. The captain's chair shifted as Matthews came down to get up from his chair, "Everyone's been edgy since the Gnosis started attacking the colonies."  
  
"No need for us to worry though." Captain Matthews bold and loud voice beckoned. He walked over to chaos and put his hand on his shoulder. Hammer and Tony were prepared for the chaos worship the was to ensue.  
  
"After all," Matthew stopped, ready to praise chaos. He then looked over his crew's faces to see them not listening and diverting gazes. Matthew blew.  
  
"I could throw you sacks morons out into the deep space and watch ya fly by wavin' atcha singin' 'bout my new crew o' 2 with less expenses and debt ta pay ifn I wanted to!" Hammer and Tony's eyes widened at the captain's harsh cracks at reality. They woke up, rushing over to their captain's feet.  
  
"No captain! Please!" Tony begged.  
  
"We'll do anything for money and not to DIE, sir!" Hammer added, shaking his clasped fists vigorously in fear. Matthews chortled at the attention.  
  
"Get up, ya morons! chaos'd never let me anyway!" Matthews walked towards the door as hammer and Tony looked up. chaos put on a really big smile as he outstretched his gloved hands to help them up.  
  
"He's right, boys." chaos said in a soft, angelic voice, "you know the captain doesn't mean what he says." Tony made a scoffing sound of disbelief when he grabbed the offered hand and got up.  
  
"Ah, whatever you say." He said, in an odd tone. Hammer grabbed chaos' hand too with a slight smile.  
  
"Why don't we all settle down and eat something until the check is over?" chaos suggested. Hammer nodded, but...the usual check for bombs or any irregularities in the ship only took a few minutes. That meant a few minutes of freedom before you had to work again. As generous as chaos' offer was, no one was about to blow their break doing what they do 3 times a day.  
  
"Sorry, chaos, but I'm gonna be in the A.G.W.S. hangar." Tony said with a smirk. God only knows what he needs there.  
  
"I'll be in my room." Hammer said. chaos nodded, knowing ahead of time that his offer may as well of not existed.  
  
So after everyone went their ways, chaos went into the cafe, where he found Matthews. He sat down beside him and there was a short silence.  
  
"If yer not gonna talk then make me food." Matthews said at last. chaos laughed a little.  
  
"I wanted to ask why you're so hard on them. They really love you, you know." chaos stated, "They really look up to you."  
  
"Right." Matthews sneered, "Your credible, chaos, but those boys, well, I wouldn't call it love as much as scorn."  
  
"Don't say that, Captain. I know it's hard to see but...maybe I can prove it to you."  
  
"Prove?" Matthews said in an angry yet interested tone. chaos nodded.  
  
"You'll see." And with that, he left.  
  
Hammer sat in his room cuddled up against the wall on his bed. On his thigh rested a bended and flimsy notebook in which he scribbled messily on each page in a frantically fast pace. Enter chaos, looking on in amusement.  
  
"What are you writing?" chaos asked politely.  
  
"Not much. I hardly know myself." hammer smiled as the sound of the lead scratching the paper sounded in his ears.  
  
"That's a rather...old fashioned way of writing." chaos chuckled. Hammer looked up from his notebook with a smile.  
  
"Ya...it's a different experience...you know, a new kind of work that is fun and enjoyable. Something I can set goals with and such. It's...hard to explain."  
  
"I see." chaos said with a devious smile as he left the room. He looked at the door to the bridge. No sign that the check cleared. chaos headed tot he elevator.  
  
Meanwhile, Tony sat on the edges of the A.G.W.S. hangar. He closed his eyes and fell fast asleep until the noise of the sliding mechanical door woke him.  
  
"Hey Tony." chaos said cheerfully.  
  
"Wut's goin on?" Tony said in a daze.  
  
"Hammer sent me. He told me that you were coming here to sleep and that I should wake you up.   
He has a cup of coffee ready for you. he's been concerned about your lack of sleep. Something about not wanting to die." chaos smiled. Tony at first looked suprised then waited for it to sink in then got up.  
  
"About him, he's a real nice guy. I mean, I love him without it bein' 'that way'. He doesn't admit it but I know that me and him are tighter than a scout's knot. "  
  
"That's very nice of you to say about him."  
  
"Ah, he deserves the word." Tony said, stretching and wishing for a longer break. chaos nodded and left with haste to the cafe.  
  
"Captain!" chaos said with a big grin.  
  
"What the hell?" Matthews said, startled by chaos' entrance.  
  
"I have your proof. Look." chaos brought out a voice recorder. He pressed the play button.  
  
'What do you think about working with Captain Matthews?'  
  
'It's a different experience...you know, a new kind of work that is fun and enjoyable. Something I can set goals with and such. It's...hard to explain.'  
  
"Is that Hammer?" Matthews said in disbelief, "This can't be right."  
  
"Listen." chaos said as the recording continued.  
  
'Tony, what do you think of Captain Matthews?'  
  
'About him, he's a real nice guy. I mean, I love him without it bein' 'that way'. He doesn't admit it but I know that me and him are tighter than a scout's knot. '  
  
'That's very nice of you to say about him'  
  
'Ah, he deserves the word.'  
  
"So what do you think?" chaos said with s smile of eager joy. Matthew grunted, not wishing to take any part of believing chaos' proof.  
  
"ELSA VON BRABANT CLEAR TO LEAVE. REPEAT..."  
  
"That's our cue." Tony said, exiting the elevator and seeing Hammer. Hammer nodded, having already tucked his notebook under his bed.  
  
"What are you two doin'?" Tony and Hammer heard Matthews voice yell across the room, as if necessary, "If you morons don't get your asses in gear then my friend the air lock trigger will be head over heels watching you freeze over in space!" Fear once again ran through Hammer and Tony's eyes.  
  
"Yes sir! Right away, sir!" Tony and Hammer yelled in unison as they dashed for their stations. chaos laughed. the Elsa would never change, no matter how many tricks you run through it.  
  
"And chaos." Matthews said. chaos was in attention, "That doesn't exempt you, just so you know!"  
  
"Yes, sir." chaos smiled and he sprinted to the door as well. Matthews crossed his arms with a grand victorious grin.  
  
"Morons."  
  
"Where's my coffee?"  
  
AN: Ya. He owns their ass. *dance* 


	4. Chapter 4: Delivery Boys

Chapter 4: Delivery boys  
  
Tony sat alone at the wheel of the Elsa. Everyone else was going for a snack as he was supposed to stay to turn into the greenhouse colony's dock. He sat patiently, looking at a screen of the recent events.  
  
"A murder in the Kukai Foundation. An innocent claimed to of spotted a gnosis and-"  
  
"Geez. I can't stand this damn news. Death here, Gnosis there...nothing's fun anymore." Tony yelled at the screen.  
  
"Is someone talking about fun without me?" Hammer said calmly as he entered the room.  
  
"Ya. Your mom." Tony said, shifting to look like he was doing something. Hammer laughed and handed Tony a sandwich.  
  
"Thanks." Tony bit into it, "Oh yuck! Ever think of putting something BETWEEN the bread?" Tony scoffed. Hammer just shook his head.  
  
"Oh ya. Thought of it everyday." Hammer sighed, as he saw the dark space around them become lighter as they approached the atmosphere of the colony. Tony leaned back again, biting into his bread sandwich with a slightly angered look upon him.  
  
"You think that Captain would think of us for once and get the hell outta debt. Now all we've got is Gaignun's generosity and our will to live!" Tony said. Hammer leaned against Tony's chair and began to eat too.  
  
"Ya, well...I dunno. It's fun." Hammer muttered quietly.  
  
"Huh? Did you say fun?" Tony said, looking at Hammer curiously. Hammer laughed and scratched his head.  
  
"Uh-huh! No stress of bearing the debt but all the fun of adventuring and selling things..." Hammer said, make hand gestures of the airship flying around. Tony shook his head with a chuckle.  
  
"Well, come to think of it this work isn't that bad, I guess." Tony said, "Compared to other things..."  
  
"Hey guys." chaos seemed to appear from nowhere and walked over to them.  
  
"Yo, chaos. can you voice in to the port that we're landing. We're almost there." Tony said, putting his hands on the wheel.  
  
"Rodger!" chaos said happily, as he walked over to his station, pushing a fell buttons lightly until a screen popped up saying that it was connecting the signal.  
  
'Hello, this is Sally Richards from the 1st starboard port entrance to the Greenhouse Colony, how can I help you?' rang a voice from chaos' station. Hammer and Tony chewed their bread silently.  
  
"This is chaos from the Elsa Von Brabant reporting and requesting passage through your gates, ma-am." chaos said easily with a smile as he pressed a few buttons to check the systems.  
  
'Yes, sir. May I ask what business you have in the Greenhouse Colony?'  
  
"We are delivering a package for a Mr. Sayers from the Kukai Foundation, miss." chaos said brightly, looking at the big oblong brown box.  
  
"That Gaignun. Sending us to do some damn delivery. they had systems for that." Tony mumbled.  
  
"Quiet, Tony! We're desperate, remember?" Hammer scolded.  
  
'Okay, sir. the docking area is clear. You may enter. Thank you for coming to the Greenhouse Colony.' The line on the screen fell flat and disappeared as the transmission ended.  
  
"It's all yours, Tony." chaos said with a tender smile.  
  
"Where the damn captain?" Tony said, as he flipped a few switches on the side panel next to the wheel, "we're not gonna be is delivery pansies too! He's gonna lug that damn thing right next to me!"  
  
"I'll fetch him." chaos said politely as if he didn't hear the rude remarks.  
  
"Man, you're off today." hammer said, "You aren't gonna...do some kinda suicide run into the port are you?"   
  
"Ah shut-up. I'm just sick of the news lately. This stuff about...Gnosis." Tony said uneasily, wringing his hands around the wheel.  
  
"Oh. That. I understand. Don't wanna relive the time we met chaos, do you?" Hammer said, watching the dock come closer.  
  
"Definitely not. Gnosis creep me out." Tony said in a wavered voice. Hammer laughed. Just then chaos and Captain Matthews walked in.  
  
"Ya ready boys? Tony, take her in!" Matthews commanded as he walked over to his chair and sat down, "Hammer, get over here!"  
  
"Right, sir! Err...Captain!" Hammer said, saluting as if he was trying to hide something and dashing over to his station. Tony maneuvered the ship easily into the wide point where a great metal port has red laser across and glass stations where girls had headphones on, listening for incoming transmissions. The Elsa passed the red laser and a sound set off that they were clear and that they had been identified.  
  
"Easy as pie." Hammer said, getting up and stretching.  
  
"Don't talk to me about pie!" Tony said, glaring at Hammer. chaos laughed a he got up too.  
  
"What are you waiting for guys. Let's get this thingy outta here!" chaos said, giving them a thumbs up.  
  
"Talking about thingy..." Hammer said awkwardly, "What the hell do you think it is?" Tony walked up next to Hammer.  
  
"It's not your job to think about what it is!" Matthews yelled at all of them Hammer jumped a bit, seeing as Matthew was right behind him. Tony turned to look at him.  
  
"Hey, aren't you coming too?" Tony whined.  
  
"Of course not, ya moron! Why the hell would the captain carry a damn box? Now get yer asses outta here so we can get my money!" Matthews said, taking up the box and throwing it into Tony's arms, who fell over with it in surprise making a terrified sound.  
  
"Ack! Tony!" Hammer squeaked, surprised as well. Tony got up rubbing his head.  
  
"My God, this thing weighs a ton!" Tony moaned, getting up without it.  
  
"Then the sooner it's outta here the less we hafta worry about it! Move already!" Matthews yelled, pointing at the door.  
  
"Man, what's up his ass today?" Tony said, rubbing his head still and looking at the box like it was evil.  
  
"Well you heard the captain, guys! Let's get going!" chaos said grinning. He picked up the box and held it in one hand with ease. Tony's eyes widened.  
  
"Chaos...marry me." Tony said. Hammer and chaos laughed but Matthews growled. Before he could yell again, the three were out of the ship.  
  
"It's getting hot in here." Tony said. Hammer sighed.  
  
"Of course. Do you even know what a greenhouse is?" Hammer said irately.  
  
"Of course not! But who cares, I like it." Tony smirked. Hammer growled and made a gesture like he was about to suffocate Tony.   
  
"Hey Hammer, look!" chaos interrupted. He pointed to a tall tree that stood hundreds of feet in the air and spread majestically from the top green and red burst of color that drooped into a beautiful collage.  
  
"OK, Hammer. What the fuck is a greenhouse." Tony said, in awe of the tree. He had only seen a tree in the Kukai foundation, and it was tiny and fake.  
  
"Well, Tony, this colony is here one reason: to grow plants. Plants are usually green things that used to grow all around Miltia and sometimes grow in planets these days. A bit after the Miltian conflict, a Mr. Sayers, who inherited the planet's ownership, decided to commit it to re-growing the old Miltian plants. Greenhouses absorb the heat given off in space to keep a humid atmosphere perfect for the plants' growth cycle." Hammer said matter-of-factly. Tony's eyes looked everywhere to absorb all the shapes and colors.  
  
"It's fucking beautiful!" He said loudly. hammer flinched, looking around for any children visitors.  
  
"I see you enjoy my plants." Said an old tenor voice. The three of them looked at the rugged old man with bright orange hair fading into silver.  
  
"You must be Mr. Sayers." chaos said in a steady, happy voice. He took up the package and handed it to him, "This is for you. It's directly from Gaignun Kukai of the Kukai foundation."  
  
"I see," Sayers said looking at it and adjusting the glasses on his nose, "Thank you boys for delivering this. Here, take this." Mr. Sayers threw something and chaos caught it and bowed.  
  
"All in a day's work, sir!" chaos saluted and Mr. Sayers laughed and turned around, dragging the box behind him.  
  
"U-uh sir?" Hammer said. Mr. Sayers turned around, "Err...any idea what in that box?" Mr. Sayers smiled.  
  
"Why yes. It's a coffin." Simultaneously, Tony and Hammer stepped backwards and shrieked, frightened.  
  
"A-a-a-a-a coffin?!" Hammer said, clutching Tony in sickened fear. Chaos turned to the boys and smiled.  
  
"It's ok, guys. It's best not to ask." chaos said, walking over towards them, "Good-bye, Mr. Sayers." chaos said, as he walked around the petrified crewmembers and dragged them by their shirt collars out of the green dome as Mr. Sayers waved good-bye.  
  
"I want a fucking flower."  
AN. Was this longer than usual? I hope so! This was so fun to write. I even know what to do next...I hope you're anticipating it! 


	5. Chapter 5: No Respect!

Chapter 5: No Respect!  
  
The Elsa quietly drifted through space, everyone on board but no one speaking. Matthews shifted in his chair, and then Tony scratched his head.  
  
"Uh...Captain? Can I just switch it to autopilot to the Kukai Foundation? There's no activity for miles and no checkpoint." Tony suggested. Matthews paused, scratching his chin in thought, then made a thinking noise.  
  
"Well...fine. That's not too bad of an idea, I guess." Matthews grunted. At the same time, chaos and Hammer looked at each other from their stations with a great big smile. But no one dared to get up until the captain had left the room. Then Hammer jumped up with a big cheer!  
  
"All right Tonyyy!" He said, "Nothing like off time. You rock."  
  
"I know, I know." Tony said with a grin of his own, typing on the keyboard next to him then flipping 3 switches up from 6 switches set down in a diagonal pattern. He sighed and stretched out.   
  
"Yes. Freedom feels good." Tony said. He got up a wrapped a big arm around Hammer's neck, basically dragging him towards the door.  
  
"Now it's time to party Elsa style!" But he stopped next to chaos, who had remained sitting down. Hammer and Tony both looked at him strangely, " Hey chaos, aren't you coming too?"  
  
"No thanks, guys! I'm gonna keep watch here." chaos said with a big smile, shaking his hand at them.  
  
"Oh. If you're sure you don't wanna come then..." Tony said, in a slightly saddened tone. He brightened himself and walked out the door with Hammer.  
  
"Something's not right today..." chaos said to himself, looking out the window, deep into space.  
  
"Break out the wine, Hammer!" Tony yelled.  
  
"We have no wine." Hammer said irritably. Tony made a nasty looked then shook it off.  
  
"Fine! Break out the snacks!" Tony cheered.  
  
"There are no snacks." Hammer said, looking off to one side and crossing his arms. he stood behind the bar in the Elsa's cafe, as Tony had told him to. Tony slammed his fist on the table.  
  
"Then what do we have!" Tony said in an angered voice. Hammer took a step back then scratched his head. he turned around and looked in the kitchen.  
  
"Uh...looks like rice, hot and cold water, soba noodles, soy sauce, and bread." Hammer said, turning back to Tony wearing a ridiculous pinstripe apron.  
  
"Fine!" Tony said in a determined voice, holding his chopstick high in the air, "then you shall make me soba rice! And it shall be good!"  
  
"Oh man..." Hammer moaned, "sure thing."  
  
"Viola." Hammer said, coming out f the kitchen with some escaped steam, "I have made food." Hammer set down a small blue and white chine bowl down with a heap of gooey looking rice wrapped in thin whole wheat noodles covered in brown sauce. Tony glared at it.  
  
"I'm supposed to eat this burnt thing?" Tony said, poking at it with his chopsticks like it was going to eat him.  
  
"Hey! I wasn't hired as a chef, okay?" Hammer yelled, throwing down his apron, "and that's what you asked for!"  
  
"Hey now, Hammer! I asked for food!" Tony said, looking with one eyebrow raised at Hammer. Hammer glared back for a while, his face turning pink with angry then shook his head and left through the kitchen door.  
  
"Man doesn't know how to keep his cool." Tony said, looking back at the food. The Matthews entered the room, then began to sniff.  
  
"What's burning?" Matthews said, then he looked at Tony and his china bowl, "Hey, can I have somma that?"   
  
Meanwhile in the crewmember's quarters, Hammer sat on his bed hugging his knees.  
  
"Stupid Tony. He thinks he so great and funny." Hammer said, sniffing. he heard the door open. He grabbed a pillow and threw it at the opening door.  
  
"Get out of here Tony! Go stuff your face in the stove!" He yelled. Then after not hearing anything, he opened his eyes and saw the pillow was still hovering above the doorway and it had been caught my chaos, and he moved it from his face and smiled.  
  
"It's just me, Hammer. What's wrong with you and Tony?" chaos asked quietly as he walked over to Hammer. As Hammer re-adjusted himself on the bed in his knee-hugging position, chaos set the pillow down and sat on it in front of Hammer, listening intently.  
  
"Well, first Tony put me in the kitchen even when it was his turn to cook, then he told me what to make out of our short supplies and basically asked to use then all, then when I made it he made fun of me for it1 And after all I do for him! He can be so...conceited! He annoys me so much!" Hammer said, his face getting redder every time he remembered something Tony did that he didn't say. Chaos looked quietly at Hammer until he thought it was right to talk.  
  
"Hammer, those things aren't very nice but...have you ever thought that Tony does them because he loves you?" chaos answered, spreading his arms in a comfortable fashion Hammer looked at chaos' reassuring face for a second then sniffed a bit again.  
  
"No! There's no way. Tony doesn't even respect me as a human being! He's so mean and stupid." Hammer said, rubbing his eyes as if he was about to cry. Chaos waited a few seconds again.  
  
"Hammer...do you think you wouldn't mind unless you felt like you were loosing a great friend?" chaos said. Hammer stopped his quiet sobs and looked thoughtfully at chaos, as if chaos knew everything about everyone.  
  
"Hey Hammer!" A voice broke the calming silence between the two. hammer entered the room.  
  
"You're late." Hammer said.  
  
"Huh?" Tony asked, holding the bowl in his hands.  
  
"Nothing." Hammer retorted, looking away. Chaos smiled at Tony and turned his way.  
  
"So wonderful you could join us, Tony. What have ya got there?" chaos said, with a somewhat giddy tone to his voice as if everything was going his way.   
  
"Oh, this is the thingy that Hammer made. Turns out it's awesome." Tony said, looking at it. Hammer jumped, and looked over to see half the bowl was empty.  
  
"Wha--you really like it?" Hammer said in a frail voice, as if chaos had magically made everything better.  
  
"Hell ya. The captain loves it too. In fact, he wanted me to get you so that you could 'make more of that good shit'." Tony laughed. Hammer looked at chaos, and then at Tony again. There was a long pause as Hammer hugged his knees tight, thinking to himself.  
  
"Come on, Hammer." Tony smiled, walking in and patting his head, "Captain's orders!" Hammer smiled at Tony and Tony smiled back.  
  
"Right! I'm on it!" Hammer said, getting up. He looked sincerely at Tony, then looked at chaos again. Chaos nodded and Hammer almost believed that chaos was some kind of mind-reader of miracle maker. Or hell....an angel.  
  
"Hey Tony..." Hammer said quietly.  
  
"What?" Tony said, ready to get back to the cafe. Hammer looked straight into Tony's eyes.  
  
"We're good friends, right? You were only joking with me?" Hammer whispered, kind of embarrassed.  
  
"Hell ya!" Tony laughed, putting his arm around Hammer again, "There isn't a guy in the universe that could be a better pal than you. Try not to take me to seriously, okay?" Hammer and Tony just kept smiling and smiling.  
  
"Okay. I won't." Hammer said, "Thanks, chaos." And with that they left the room.  
  
"Good." chaos sighed, "Everything feels good again."  
  
"Coming up, Captain!"  
  
AN: Wasn't that cute?! Obviously this was inspired because I had a fight with a good friend of mine and I hope by the time I post this story I'll have made up with them because I was being Tony . heh, heh...I have plenty ideas for this story so don't think I'm gonna stop! ^_^ 


	6. Chapter 6: True Chaos?

Chapter 6: True Chaos?  
  
On a normal day, the Elsa was floating peacefully towards the Kukai Foundation. There was nothing for miles, only them and space. Sure it was inevitable that there would be other ships or debris somewhere floating the nonchalant float as the Elsa did that day. But for now, and by all that the Elsa crew knew, they were quite alone. The ship on autopilot to the nearest U.M.N. colemn, the crew had one of the laziest, boring, and long days of their lives.  
  
"Ah damn, I'm bored to tears." Tony moaned as he sat in the crew quarters with chaos ling on the bed and Hammer writing in his notebook. His voice cracked the silence like would an ice skater crack thin ice.   
  
"Shut-up, Tony. Can't you be creative for once and just do something?" Hammer said, much hateful for the unwonted break of concentration. Tony shook his head.  
  
"Oh Hammer, you're so inconsiderate," Tony mocked, "Can't you just imagine for a second that I have absolutely no imagination? If you just...tell me something to do...?" Hammer looked peeved over the edge of his notebook and fiddled with his pencil in thought.   
  
"I don't know. Why don't you write like me?" Hammer voiced. Tony shook his head.  
  
"I'm no geek like you. I mean, I can't even spell rhythm!" Tony whined more. Hammer groaned in a way as if to say he was either annoyed or pitiable. Then chaos shifted from the side of the bed to look down on the unfortunate Tony.  
  
"How about we...sing a song?" Chaos said cheerfully. Tony and Hammer looked at him like he was insane until Tony began to laugh.  
  
"Sing? What are we, 4-years-old?" Tony chortled. Chaos just smiled.  
  
"What do you mean? You sing all the time in the shower..." chaos said, seeming a bit confused. Tony's face flushed with red.  
  
"Man, Tony, I disown you." Hammer said, looking at his friend with different eyes.  
  
"Ah shut-up Hammer! I don't sing in the shower! And how the heck did you even know, chaos?" Tony yelled. Hammer and chaos looked at each other, reciting mentally to each other the oxymoron of a sentence that Tony had created.   
  
"It doesn't matter, Tony." Chaos said with a smile, "Singing is fun!"  
  
"Ah man, chaos...do I gotta?" Tony said.  
  
"It's a good way to relieve boredom." Chaos said quietly. Tony sighed.  
  
"Whatever. I guess I can use it as an excuse to show off my awesome singing voice." Tony said, getting up with a determined face.  
  
"Oh? And what's today's selection?" Hammer said, somewhat interested. Tony grinned broadly.  
  
"'Chaos Night by the Seraphim Sisters!" Tony said. Hammer groaned.  
  
"The captain has brainwashed you!" Hammer shook his head.  
  
"Go ahead, Tony! Sing whatever you like." Chaos said merrily. Tony nodded.  
  
"Hoorudoappu!  
Gotabun no yoru desu,  
Mahou kagayaki no kokoru..."  
  
"Tony? Is that you? Stop singin' in the damn shower!" Matthews' voice bellowed from faraway. hammer howled with laughter and Tony crossed his arms.  
  
"Fine, lets see you do better!" Tony said, forcing Hammer to get up. Hammer paused, thinking.  
  
"Okay, I will!" Hammer said, stretching. Tony sat down, pouting like a child to listen.  
  
"Yoru o!" Hammer continued from where Tony left off.  
"Muchitsujo yoru!   
Ookina yume kagayakaseta tada hitori no tomodachi  
ureshii koto kanashii koto subete ukeireta kara  
"naze boku ha umarete kita no??"  
tokidoki sonna koto wo omou  
boku ga suwatta kono isu ha  
mawari tsuzukeru MERRY-GO-ROUND.  
CHAOS NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!"  
  
"Geez, you don't have to scream." Tony mumbled, not in the mood even to complain about his sharp notes.  
  
"At least I did better than you!" Hammer said.  
  
"What? No way! My voice is superb! You can't beat that!"  
  
"Don't lie! I sing way better than you, shower boy!"  
  
"Boys, boys! This fighting is useless! I think you both sounded great!" Chaos said nervously. The two eyed him eagerly.  
  
"Why don't you sing?" Tony said.  
  
"Ya, I'd pay to hear that!" Hammer added. Chaos thought a moment then smiled.  
  
"Okay guys, I'll sing if you really want me to."   
  
Hammer and Tony both sat down prepared to hear the worse. Chaos cleared his voice and began best he could.  
  
"Mirai no ibu  
MEFISUTOFERESU no hone kara umareta   
namida mo nai ANDOROIDO no   
daraku no megami wo   
anata no ringo   
namesasete kajirasete   
fuku masete tsumi no aji wo   
  
kinzoku no nou ni wa   
mekurumeku koukotsu   
tenshi no mama de   
shi ni taeteitta   
shoujyo-tachi no kikoku na no" chaos sang in a heavenly voice. Tony and Hammer shocked, they dared not move when the song was over. Suddenly Matthews blasted in.  
  
"Where? Where are they?!" Matthews demanded, "I know you're watching a broadcast of them without me ya morons!"  
  
"Oh captain! I'm flattered!" Chaos said brightly, grinning from ear to ears. Matthews looked frantically around the room to see no screens displaying feed nor control panel for music.  
  
"Ah...are you sure that was chaos?" Matthews said with an uneasy puzzled edge to his voice.  
  
"No." Tony said, "I think he cheated."  
  
"Tony!" Hammer growled.  
  
"Don't fight, I won't sing again." Chaos said sadly, walking out of the room.  
  
"Look what you did now ya moron! Go apologize before I make ya!" Matthews commanded as he stomped away.  
  
"Ya, Tony. Go kiss and make up." Hammer mocked.  
  
"Ah quiet, you! It's your fault too!" The two of them stopped to think.  
  
"I know what we can do..."  
  
"I wish I knew how to make them happy..." Chaos said to himself as he played with he controls at his station. Suddenly he heard a sound outside the door get closer and closer.  
  
"Kagayaku tori no mure no you ni,  
Mai orite iku yo ,So ami tachi,  
Tamashi ni senki hirugaeshi tobe.   
Yoake no sora ni, akaku somatta kono   
karada, dakishime te..."  
  
Chaos smiled, and began to sing along.  
  
"CHAOS NIIIIIIIIIGHT!"  
AN: Ya. Been a while but I did it! :) Be happy or I will smite ye! Inspired by me and my sister's constant singing when we're bored. 


	7. Chapter 7: Womanly Pride

Chapter 7: Womanly Pride  
  
"Hey Captain, I've got the U.M.N. pulse." chaos said from his station.  
  
"FINALLY!" Matthews said, stretching in his throne above Hammer's head. He lowered his mechanical chair so that his foot was level with hammer's head. hammer tensed up and hunched over the controls, "Hammer, connect the servers and prepare ta long jump already. I'm gettin' sick of this place.  
  
"This space looks just the same as any other boring space." Tony said, still relaxed at the wheel, picking at something mindlessly. Matthews looked at him quietly then shook his head angrily, kicking Hammer in the head.  
  
"Heeey! What'd I doooo?" Hammer cried, holding his head.  
  
"Listen ya morons, you don't just question me, my word is law, you hear?" Matthews said, slapping his arm on the chair. Hammer squeaked and began to type furiously at his station.   
  
"Ya. Connection successful, sir." Hammer said in a bored voice. Tony sat up in an entertaining way.  
  
"Hup. I Know what that means. Glad I'm not the captain." Tony said, fidgeting with he steering wheel.  
  
"What does that mean, ya moron?" Matthew yelled back, clenching his fists.  
  
"You're the one who has to walk around a buncha sophisticated types askin' for directions and bein' all quiet asking for our next assignment!" Tony laughed. Hammer began to laugh, trying his hardest to hold it back, the fear of the captain's foot lodged in his brain.  
  
"Humph. If you think it's such an easy job then why don't ya do it?" Matthews said, pointing directly at Tony.  
  
"Huh? No, no...you don't mean that!" Tony said, kneeling on his chair backward, his head resting on his folded arms on the back of the chair, his eyes pleading.  
  
"Naw, now that I think of it you're just the moron for the job!" Matthews began to smirk, rubbing his chin in his own malicious satisfaction. Tony's face drooped.  
  
"No, sir! I'm pretty damn sure you really, really didn't mean it!!" Tony said, shaking his chair forward and backward in a childish panic.   
  
"Listen, Tony! When we reach the Kukai Foundation you're gonna march your ass in there, report every damn thing ya did and come back with the assignment!" Matthews said sternly. It was quiet. Very, horribly quiet. Then Tony just whimpered, sliding back into his chair the right way so that they couldn't see his head; probably in a fetal position. Hammer and chaos looked at each other worriedly, with faces that said, 'What's the big deal' and 'Is he gonna die?'.  
  
"You hear me Tony?" Matthews' large voice broke the hurtful silence.  
  
"Ya. I heard ya." Tony said, arms folded over his chest in a self-indulgent tantrum.   
  
"We're almost at the foundation." Hammer said meekly as if he had just walked in on a father scolding his child.   
  
"Right." Matthews said, the smirk reappearing on his face, "I'll be in the cafe then." Matthews got up from his chair and began to walk to the door. The Elsa jolted a second, like a car with it's breaks slammed on then resumed, Matthews viciously planted on his face.  
  
"Tony ya shithead! Ya better watch yer back ya yellow-livered backstabbin' moron if I ever..." Matthews mumbled curse after curse as he left the room holding his face. As he left Hammer let out a breath of tension.  
  
"Man, Tony you're such a baby. What's the problem?" Hammer nagged. Tony kicked something and jumped out his chair, staring at Hammer under his hair.  
  
"I hate goin' in the foundation on business." Tony muttered.  
  
"Why? I thought you loved the women there..." chaos said, a ponderous face on.  
  
"Ya, I do but everyone laughs at me when they see the in the assignment room. The assignment room is for the lowest worst crew of the universe who can't do nothin' but menial tasks. It's humiliatin', that's what!"  
  
"Geez, Tony didn't know you felt that way." Hammer said, almost sympathetically.  
  
"Ya you wouldn't know, you're to geeky to even dream of pickin' up a girl." Tony said, walking past his station.   
  
"Why, you!" Hammer said, jumping up to strangle him as Tony did some sort of strange defensive dance.  
  
"Guys, we mustn't fight over such trivial matters." Chaos said quietly, walking up and grabbing each of their wrists.  
  
"Man, chaos. I don't wanna do this thing!" Tony whined again. Chaos stopped to think.  
  
"Well, why not? None of those people know you and probably won't see you again. You shouldn't care what they think." Chaos said thinly, in thought. Tony's looked depressed at the though.  
  
"Ah, it doesn't matter. I feel all embarrassed when a girl sees me near dat room. I can't help it. It's my pride as a dude."   
  
"Ok..." Chaos said, trying a bit too hard to think of a solution., "then how about you go in as a girl?" Hammer and Tony looked at him as if he was the worse person for advise ever.  
  
"Dude. Chaos. That's not gonna help my dude pride." Tony said, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Well why not? I mean if you don't look like a man then you shouldn't have to worry about other men or women thinking you're a...square." Chaos said, trying to make it into words that Tony would understand.  
  
"You know chaos...that sounds like the dumbest idea ever but... if you can pull it off, so can I!" Tony said, a sudden spark of determination in his face.  
  
'What does he mean if I can pull it off?' chaos thought.   
  
"Man, where are we gonna get woman's clothing?" Hammer said, disappointed that he may not be able to see Tony in a dress.  
  
"Dude, Hammer, Listen to me pal. If you and pixie come to the foundation with me you can put any damn piece of woman's clothing on me just as long as ya don't laugh!" Tony said, grabbing Hammer by the collar and looking straight into his eyes. Hammer snickered.  
  
"Then let me get it all out now!" Hammer said, hardly able to finish his sentence before he began rolling on the floor laughing. After a few seconds, Tony shook his head.  
  
"Aren't I glad you're my friend." Tony said sarcasictally and regretfully. Hammer began to stand up, tears in his eyes and his laughing waning.  
  
"No, I'm cool, I'm cool." Hammer smiled, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, "Let's go."  
  
  
In the Kukai foundation in one of the towns, Hammer, Tony, and chaos all sat at the seedy store line. There was dust and garbage abound.  
  
"How am I supposed to get a convincing disguise from a place like this?" Tony said, looking at the time nervously.  
  
"Relax, Tony. Believe me, this is the ONLY place a man can buy a dress and look right." Hammer said. He stepped up next in line, "Yes, sir. I'd like the best dress you have please. it has to be pretty lengthy."  
  
"Who's the lucky dame?" The dirty looking man with a moth eaten hat muttered, turning around to look in his boxes of inventory.  
  
"Ah this guy over here. He's gotta look convincing." Hammer said, leaning on the counter as if he was talking about the weather. Tony blushed.  
  
"Hey? What's with the innocent act? I ain't that kinda dude!" Tony said, looking furiously between the manager and Hammer. Chaos let out a small laugh then put his hand on Tony's shoulder.  
  
"Don't worry Tony, I'm sure Hammer knows what he's doing. Aren't you glad he's helping?"  
  
"Ya I guess." Tony said, crossing his arms, wishing he hadn't taken up on chaos' offer. The manager laid a nice and modest dress upon the counter.  
  
"This is a good one, covers a lot." The man said, pointing to spots where skin would usually show, "and I gots stuffin' too but that'll cost extra."  
  
"Stuffing?" Tony cried.  
  
"Ya, we'll pay the extra, thank you." Hammer smiled. Hammer turned to Tony holding the dress up, "Ya. It matches your eyes." Hammer smiled. Tony's eyes narrowed and he snatched up the dress.  
  
"Let's get this thing over with." With that, Tony left to privacy.  
  
  
Moments later Tony came back in the cotton green dress.  
  
"Does this make me look fat?" Tony said, holding his arms out.  
  
"Ah of course not." Hammer said, stuffing the extra cloth into his dress. Tony sighed, grabbing his dress away from Hammer.  
  
"I can do this myself thank you." He said jeeringly.   
  
"You look very nice, Tony. You should wear dresses more often." Chaos said. Tony looked over his shoulder with an insane look.  
  
"What are you talkin' about? I'm no cross-dresser!" He said loudly.  
  
"Well women wear pants, why can't men wear dresses?" Chaos said. There was a silence for a second until hammer began to whisper in Tony's ear.  
  
"That'd explain a lot, I don't think he understands humans."  
  
"Ya I used to think he was just 'misunderstood' but maybe he just has different 'interests'."  
  
After Tony had finished, the three stood in front of the rested Durandal. Tony gripped his fists and marched on quietly.  
  
"What a brave man." chaos said.  
  
"What are you talking about? He did this because he's a chicken anyway." Hammer said, "Now let's go back to the Elsa."  
  
In the Durandal, Tony walked stiff-legged, looking to the floor. He didn't want anyone to see his face in the ridiculous outfit. He ignored anyone walking around him as he made a beeline to the assignment room. He began to walk faster, feeling the walls closing in around him. Singling him out. Suddenly he was pushed back as he ran into another person.  
  
"Hey watch where you're..." Tony began. He shook his head and looked up. It was a man in a dark black and green suit with well-groomed black hair.   
  
"My apologies, ma'am. I should learn to pay more attention to where I am going." He smiled charmingly, his teeth sparkling. Tony gagged to himself but only chuckled mindlessly as if in agreement.  
  
"Err...thank you, "Tony said in a fake higher voice, " I must be going now."  
  
"No wait..." The man said, grabbing Tony's wrist. Tony moaned, his face nervous and blushing. He couldn't live another day if he were caught, "What is your name?"  
  
"Oh...my name?" Tony said nervously, "It's..." Tony thought, trying to come up with a woman's name out of nowhere was harder than he thought. He looked around but everyone was looking at him and the tall, distinguished man.   
  
"It's uh...Makoto! Makoto Tsuyoshi!" he snatched his arm back and began to run away. He didn't want anything to do with he people who had seen him. As soon as the indigo door came into sight, he ran to it, opened it and shut it behind him as soon a s possible.   
  
"Oh a nice lady like you shouldn't be running in the halls." A man said at the counter of the dull gray-blue room.  
  
"Uh...ya. I need an assignment for the elsa, okay? Make it quick!" Tony said, hardly maksing his voice.  
  
"Fine, fine." The man said, turning around to his filing cabniet. He took his time paging through the many manilla files marked with letters. Tony waited on a hard blue couch, tapping his foot impatiently.   
  
"Ah. here we go. This assignment is perfect for the Elsa." He said, a long brown envelope in his hand. Tony snatched it up quickly.  
  
"Thank you!" He said, running out of the room without another word.  
  
  
Back at the Elsa and dressed in his regular garb, Tony came to the cafe where the captain sat reading a screen, looking bored.  
  
"Captain, I have the assignment." Tony said as if it had been nothing. Matthews took the envelope happily.  
  
"Ah yes. You heard the news?" Matthews said. Tony shook his head no. He didn't want to make any smart remark about how he couldn't of, in fear of another order. Matthews resumed, "It's a regular Cinderella story, Gaignun Kukai got himself a notice to all the ships in the surrounding area. He's asking ta see this broad...what was it? Makoto..."  
  
"Augh! Wait! I don't wanna know! I really just don't wanna know!" Tony said, backing up, "I got the stupid assignment, now leave me alone!" Tony said, running out of the room.  
  
"What the? Oh well."  
  
"Please my mysterious Makoto, return to my arms..."  
AN: Yes. Randomness. Take that writer's who take their time and produce quality fanfiction! :) And about the lyrics in the last chapter, they were random phrases I either put together myself or stole from an anime I've never heard of offa animelyrics.com. With that said, I hope you liked this chapter! 


	8. Chapter 8: Where Were You?

Chapter 8: Where Were You?  
  
"Okay Captain. The file says that our next mission is to the King Air Foundation. We're supposed to be picking up an important package for his Highness Gaignun." Hammer said reading the papers with angered eyes.  
  
"Man, don't you ever get tired of doing Gaignun's chores?" Tony said, not believing the fact that they had to do more delivery work. He wriggled in his chair impatiently, "When do we get promoted...or something?"  
  
"Ah shut-up, Tony! You know how things run here! If you're not listenin' ta me, you're listenin' ta Gaignun or little master, okay?" He said strictly, "I didn't say I liked doin' this but...can't help but do what Gaignun says...because..." Matthews paused dramatically and the whole crew sat in wait. Nothing happened.  
  
"Why, Captain?" Chaos said, seeming louder than usual after the awkward silence.  
  
"I lost ta him at poker!" Matthews said loudly. Everyone let out their breath in a sigh of disappointment, "Anyway, he's better than the other hogs and foundations in this damn solar system, so be grateful ya morons!"  
  
"Fine. Enough with the sermons. King Air is close by anyway. This'll be cake." Tony said, grasping the steering wheel, "Everyone. Get ready for take-off."  
  
"Hey, ya moron! I get ta say that!" Matthews yelled, getting into his seat, "Put on yer seatbelts ya bunch of freeloaders!"  
  
The ship shook and then began to feel weightless. The stars came into view as they left the Kukai Foundation docking area and slowly, they began to float past them as they cruised to faster speeds.   
  
"Captain, the U.M.N. pulse is approximately 100 miles away. Should I begin preparations?" Chaos said brightly, his station alight. Matthews pondered slightly.   
  
"Ya go ahead, we'll be there in a matter of minutes. Tony wadn't kiddin'." Matthews said, looking like he was going to get up to the cafe once more.  
  
"Ya. Might as well keep tight. I can get us there in seconds." Tony said, reaching over to his side.  
  
"Tony ya mo--" It was too late as Tony went into high-speed, yelling at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Alriiiiiight!" He yelled, obviously getting a kick out of dodging the other ship exiting the foundation who were probably cursing him and his mother.   
  
"Tony your an idiot!" Hammer yelled, shaking his fist.  
  
The ship began to slow to a stop as the screen popped up with the realian girl on it.  
  
"The Elsa von Brabant. Crew of..." As she ran through the procedures.  
  
"Ah. That wasn't so bad." Tony said, lying back in his big chair. The other crew, shocked and dazed from the unexpected ride were speechless.  
  
"Tony...perhaps...that was unsafe..." Chaos had muttered first.  
  
"Unsafe?" Hammer said, getting up, "That was stupid! I think I got a concussion! Why doncha just...ask or something?" He held his head as he peered at Tony with some evil red malice burning in his eyes.  
  
"Oh come on guys! We're alive, aren't we? It's not like we haven't boosted before, look how fast we got here!" Tony seemed very proud of himself. Chaos ignored him and began punching in the information, which Hammer probably should have been doing.  
  
"Whatever." Hammer said, beginning to walk out, "come on chaos, I'm taking you instead."  
  
Chaos got up on Hammer's word. Tony watched them leave without saying anything. Well, not anything Hammer or chaos could hear.

"Okay, chaos. Says here we're to go to the 23rd division. Wherever that is." Hammer said, peeved and looking at a piece of paper in his hand, "Paper. How primitive. What if it gets wet?"  
  
"Look, Hammer. There's an official. Let's ask her!" Chaos said. He began to trot over to a realian girl in a blue suit when Hammer stopped him.  
  
"What? Are you a girl or something? Ask for directions in a big foundation? That'll make us look like idiots!" Hammer pleaded.  
  
"Oh come on, Hammer. She's a realian. It's not like she'll think it's funny that we don't know where we are." Chaos said quietly and understandably so that Hammer couldn't say no.  
  
"Fine, fine. YOU do it." Hammer pushed chaos forward. Chaos began to talk to the realian. She smiled and made gestures to a way behind her and laughed a bit too. Hammer sighed as chaos came back.  
  
"Well? Is that the way to the 23rd division?" He pointed to where the realian had pointed. Chaos looked that way confused almost.  
  
"Oh...I forgot! I'm not sure where that is...but that road does lead to King Air's finest diner!" Chaos said happily with a big hopeful grin. Hammer made a sound of disbelief as his features drooped.  
  
"Ah chaos, what am I supposed to do with you?!"

"Tony ya big oaf why doncha do somethin' around here?!" Matthews scolded as Tony began to fall asleep in his chair. Tony shook his head.  
  
"Hammer and chaos'll be back in no time, why can't i just relax a bit, huh?" Tony said with puppy dog eyes. Matthews grunted.  
  
"Are ya kiddin'? Let ya sleep when chaos' A.G.W.S is all busted up? You make me sick, ya moron!" Matthew scowled. Tony grimaced.  
  
"A.G.W.S.?! But Captain!" Tony moaned. Matthews lifted Tony up by his shirt.  
  
"You'll fix 'er up or I'll fix YOU up, ya got that?" Matthews said.  
  
"Yes, sir."

"Okay. 18th Division..." Hammer read off the sign, "That means the 23rd division is beyond this part of town. Hammer looked out beyond the paper and recoiled in disgust. Then he noticed chaos was somewhat cowering behind him.  
  
"Hammer, I don't like this place." chaos said quietly. Hammer stuffed the paper in his pocket and crossed his arms.  
  
"Oh come on. Tony wouldn't cower like this. Actually I bet he grew up in a slum like this." Hammer chuckled to himself, starting to walk through the primal, almost brown area. Chaos walked timidly behind him, looking at the people and waving politely, masking his fear.  
  
"This place...is very dangerous." Chaos whispered. Hammer kept walking but began to feel nervous too.  
  
"Dangerous like..._gnosis_?" Hammer said in a shrill whisper. Chaos shook his head.  
  
"No, no. It's just..." Chaos muttered until he couldn't be heard.  
  
"Stop being a wuss." Hammer said uneasily, "We'll live!"

Matthews sat back with his cap over his eyes when a sudden sound went off. Surprised, Matthews jumped out of his seat. The beep sounded again.  
  
"Uh...what? Oh...must be a message." He said, looking at Hammer's panel. He pressed a button and Jr.'s head popped up on a big screen.  
  
"MATTHEWS!" He yelled. Matthews was taken aback and feared for his life.  
  
"L-little master...what did I...what do you...?" He stuttered. Jr. hunched over the screen and stared right into Matthew's soul!  
  
"Matthews where is your crew? What are you DOING?" Jr. hollered, obviously the result of a bad day. Matthews stumbled upon his words.  
  
"They're out there right now, little master! We're doin' just what ya...I mean Master Gaignun told us ta do..." Matthews said, intimidated by the huge face of the livid master.  
  
"Listen, I just got a ring from Mrs. Young, the director of King Air, and she said that she hasn't seen any of your men. I hope you know that this is a VERY important package!" Jr. said, his crystal blue eyes glimmering in fury. Matthews' scratched the back of his neck.  
  
"Uh...I sent them. I can't just keep tabs on them all the time. Jest how important is this thing?" Matthews said, like a little kid asking his parents what 'as' means. Jr. shook his head.  
  
"Was it not in the report? You have to get this package right away! This is medicine for our clinic. A new virus just came out of space! The vaccine is very concentrated and won't work if there are preservatives in it! That means it needs to get here RIGHT NOW!" He yelled. Matthews' eyes widened.  
  
"Little master, I promise the Elsa will complete this mission without fail!"

"Crap! This isn't fair!" hammer whined as 5 thugs surrounded him and chaos.  
  
"I told you we should have taken the lift." Chaos said silently. Hammer nodded it off.  
  
"Come on, we have to think of SOMETHING! Oh man if Tony were here!" Hammer said with dismay. Suddenly the pocket of his brown jacket began to make a cute jingle.  
  
"You had better answer that." One of the thugs said, a kind of simulated knife in his hand. And that's what Hammer did.  
  
"H-hello? Hammer here." Hammer mumbled.  
  
"What are ya DOIN' ya moron! I hope you know you're supposed to get that package here this INSTANT or a whole buncha people will get sick and die or something!" Matthews yelled.  
  
"Listen Captain...people will die or something...if you don't send Tony over here right now!!" Hammer cried into the portable phone. One of the thugs flinched then grimaced.  
  
"18th division! Hurry!" Hammer then hung up and him and chaos backed against the wall.

"Tony!!" Matthews called. Tony wiped the oil off his face and onto his shirt.  
  
"What now ya goat?!" Tony yelled back. Matthews appear at the elevator in the A.G.W.S. hangar.  
  
"Listen ta me Tony! It's yer HEAD if ya don't get down ta the 18th division PRONTO." Matthews yelled, veins popping out from everywhere on his face.  
  
"What?! Listen I don't care if you pay me, you can't just make me do everything at once! It's Tony do this, Tony don't do that! I'm sick and tired of it already!" Tony retorted, pointing a finger at the old man.  
  
"Tony ya dumbass get your rear in gear and do what I tell ya or I'll make ya pay for all the damn funerals! Now get!" Matthews said, getting up in Tony's face. Tony was silent for a moment, with a perturbed and scared face on at the same moment.  
  
"Uh...Rodger!" Tony said, running to chaos' A.G.W.S. He climbed up the side and sat down in the cockpit, pressing a button to close the top.  
  
"Ya moron! Whatr ya doin' in chaos' egg?! Someday Tony I swear--!" Matthews yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Open the damn hatch you old halfwit!" Tony yelled. Matthews growled and then climbed out of the room, slamming his fist on the open hatch button.  
  
"Good luck. Ya stupid moron." Matthews said to himself, walking back to his chair.

Tony flew through space in the A.G.W.S., soaring at faster speeds that he had ever imagined. There was a quiet happiness that Tony felt, something he had missed driving a big ship with a whole bunch of bickering adults. Something about the quietness of space got to Tony just then. Something special that made him feel different. This spark in him, that ran through the lightweight controls of the clashed together metal mech, it burned something in his brain. He went faster than anything you could imagine. Except light. Not that fast.

"Look, my A.G.W.S.!" Chaos said in delighted surprised as his A.G.W.S. burst into view, a shine in it's core that had never been there before.  
  
"OUTTA MY WAAAAAY!!" Tony yelled, coming down like a comet.  
  
"YOU IDIOT!" Hammer yelled and he and chaos ran as fast as their legs could take them. Tony crashed into the earth not hitting anyone, luckily, with a mess of earth going with him.  
  
"Hammer, chaos! Get the stupid package!" Tony said, getting up on his mechanical feet, "and that means, like, NOW!"  
  
"Right!" Hammer said, a smile on his face as he heart began to beat faster, "Now THIS is a mission!"  
  
Hammer and chaos burst through the glass doors of a big laboratory-looking building. It was all white and window and everyone was wearing white. A woman with big black glasses and light brown hair pulled back in a curly and unruly bun.  
  
"At last! Do you gentlemen work for the Kukai Foundation?" She said, "I am Mrs. Young. It is imperative that you relocate the vaccine immediately! There is no time to spare!"  
  
"Vaccine? That makes more sense! Hurry up lady, where is it?" Hammer said, making a motion to his wrist meaning they were out of time.  
  
"Over here. Please, hurry!" Mrs. Young said, holding out a heavy looking crate with string tied around it. Chaos' features turned immediately serious as he clutched the package, using whatever super strength he had proven to have. He looked upon Hammer with eyes blazing with concern. They glowed with an angelic purity and perfect-ness. The lab around Hammer began to close in and become all white as it seemed only him and chaos were there in a realm of nothing and time had stopped.  
  
"Hammer. There's no time. They'll all die." Chaos said with a chilling coldness to his voice. It seemed to echo and bounce off the nothingness. There was a long pause as Hammer felt like he couldn't talk. Then he knew he had to.  
  
"No! They won't! They can't!" Hammer yelled. Chaos' eyes eased and his face fell back into a beautiful and soft smile.  
  
"Thank you Hammer. And sorry." Chaos said. Everything went black.

"Where...!" Hammer bolted up out of bed. He saw chaos and Tony beside him with smiles on.  
  
"Hey Ham-ster, ya finally woke up!" Tony said, dirt and oil still on his face. He smiled really big nonetheless. Hammer's heart began to beat steadily again from seeing their joyous faces.  
  
"Wha-what happened? The medicine...the thugs...I..." Hammer said, looking at chaos mostly.  
  
"You fainted from all the panic, Hammer." Chaos said, not looking into Hammer's eyes, "But everything's fine. The people in the clinic are all okay."  
  
"Ya. And those guys didn't stand a chance. One of then had an A.G.W.S. but he wasn't half the pilot I was." Tony said, once again very proud of himself. Hammer smiled. He didn't care whether that thing with chaos was a dream or not, but everyone was safe and happy.

Everything was right.

"Can I have an A.G.W.S.??"  
  
AN: Sorry if you wanted funny but I was listening to music and I got all enlightened-like. O.o I don't know about you but I enjoy this chapter. It's seems kind of weird -; I FEEL REAL BAD ABOUT IT NOT BEING FUNNY THO! The next one will be REAL funny I promise!!!


	9. Chapter 9: The Final Frontier of Love

Chapter 9: The Final Frontier of Love

"Yes Matthews, I understand. Under the circumstances I suppose and I can be somewhat lenient, seeing as the job was done successfully regardless of the procedures in between." Gaignun said in a screen that hovered over the Elsa crew. They contained their cheerful dispositions and remained looking grim and despondent as the captain had told the to.

"That's mighty grateful of ya. Hammer still has some emotional pain to sort out." Matthews said, eyeing Hammer, who happened to always be in the pathway of his large boot. As though acting on note cards, Hammer threw in head down into his arms with a mournful cry.

"Yes...but you should know that, considering the large debt you owe, I can only let you on vacation for so long..." Gaignun arched his eyebrows and scratched his chin, "...but seeing as the crew is in mental distress, I suppose a week would do."

"Thanks again, sir. It's nice to know I work for such a kindly employer." Matthews said, his hat in his hands in a sort of pathetic act of gratitude. The screen disappeared.

In a sudden roar, the crew jumped up with cries of celebration. Matthews threw his hat down on the floor as hard as he could, throwing his arms up in a sort of victory ritual. Meanwhile Hammer and Tony did a dance around each other, holding their arms akimbo and skipping in circles.

"Where are we going?" chaos intervened. The other stopped their carousing and looked at him. Then, Hammer and Tony looked at Matthews.

"What! Who the hell cares, where ever we go is better than staying on this ship staring at your ugly mugs all day." Matthews said, crossing his arms. Hammer and Tony then looked towards chaos. Looking, expecting, and not saying a thing.

"Well..." chaos began, "We could go to the Greenhouse Colony and have a picnic." "Are you kidding?" Hammer said, a frightened edge to his voice, "Where that guy with a coffin is? No way!" "Okay then, how about...Wandern Point on Stenesa? You know, the one blossoming planet in the Seite System." chaos said, a smile now on his lips of the thoughts.

"What's with you and plant covered planets? What about a big city where there are hot babes and fresh fellas." Tony added in.

"No one wants to look at 'fresh fellas', Tony. Except maybe chaos." Hammer said. Ignoring the comment, chaos went on.

"If you want a big city we could go to Second Miltia. That or Murlock City." chaos seemed brimming with ideas, although he studied up just for the occasion. Matthews scratched his head in thought.

"Well...you all can fight about it. I'll be in the cafe." And with that, the captain left the room. There was a pause of silence, then a burst of conversation. It was mostly chaos suggesting Wandern point, Tony suggesting Murlock City, and Hammer suggesting none of the above.

"Arguing is getting us nowhere." chaos said finally, "we're going to have to do a chance game to see who wins. Drawing straws, drawing cards out of a hat, or something."

"Okay, I can agree on that. There's a box in the hangar with hay straws, we can do it that way." Hammer said. Tony and chaos nodded in agreement and followed him to the hangar.

"Here it is. It was leftovers from a shipment to Ariadne. All we have to do is..." Hammer began saying, sifting through the box full of hay. Hammer was interrupted though, by a close by guttural yowl. The crew ceased any movement or words as they listened in. Again the ghostly mutter echoed off the walls.

"What...t-the hell?" Tony said, backing up into a tight circle of Hammer and chaos. The sound echoed again, sounding a bit closer.

"That sounds familiar..." chaos said quietly.

"I-i-i-is it a gn-gn-gn-gn-gn-gnosis?" Hammer trembled, grasping onto Tony's arm as though he was save him.

As the crew searched the room with threatened eyes, claws dug into Tony's shoulder grasping onto it with great weight. Tony screamed in terror and shocked sudden-ness as he reached to bat the claw away, as a natural reflex.

"GNOSIS! GET IT OFF!" Tony yelled. As a surprised reaction, Hammer and chaos screamed as loud as they could as well, it seemed like the end for the crew. In a panic, Tony fell over on the ground, feeling the talons on his back.

"NO! I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE LIKE THIS!" Tony cried, recoiling on the floor. But he heard chaos and Hammer's screams of horror halt as they stared at him. Then Hammer began laughing hysterically.

Feeling that the weight was generally balanced upon four small feet on his back, Tony took great effort and reaching his arms behind himself and feeling the monstrosity on his behind. It was fluffy.

Grabbing the fiend, Tony sat up and looked at what was in his hands. It was a fluffy gray tabby kitten, so incredibly small and young that it's existence mocked Tony's masculinity. Hammer's roars of laughed seemed unending as Tony's face grew beat red.

"H-hey, it jumped on me, how wuz I supposed ta..." Tony began. Then, infuriated he just walked away. Seeing as Hammer was blinded by his consistent hysterics, only chaos followed him.

"That small little kitten sure likes you." chaos said, following Tony upstairs.

"Don't remind me!" Tony said painfully as he looked at the adorable fluff ball in his hand, purring like a motorboat, "I could never get babes with this thing around. Cat are so needy, then they just leave you for nothing."

"It sounds like you've had a bad experience with a cat before?" chaos said, as a statement moreover than a question.

"Nah, I had a cat once. But...obviously he's not here anymore so bug off about it." Tony shoved the cotton ball of love into chaos' hands and ran out the elevator.

Chaos looked at the little treasure. It seemed despondent and wasn't purring as loud.

"I guess Tony's a regular cat person." chaos said smiling. Just then, hammer came up in the elevator.

"Hey, let me see Elephant." Hammer said. Chaos looked at Hammer questioningly.

"There's no elephant here, Hammer." chaos said politely.

"No...the kitten. His fluff makes him look fat and gray. Like an elephant. So his name is Elephant." Hammer said, putting out his arms.

"Like that extinct animal? You have weird tastes, Hammer." chaos said, handing the kitten to him. The kitten hissed at Hammer.

"I don't think he likes being called fat."

"Nonsense, he'll love me. Come here, Elephant!" Hammer grabbed for the kitten, but it leaped out of his grasp and darted away like a flash of silver lightning.

"Ah crap!" Hammer exclaimed, chasing it until it was out of sight, "If the captain sees a cat's on the ship, he's flip and kill us all!" "I'm not sure he would kill us, but he would most certainly raise his voice at us." chaos said quietly. Hammer sighed and looked around.

"What's on the ship that cats like? We have to lure him in!" Hammer said, "Set a trap!" "The cat likes Tony..."chaos suggested. Hammer chuckled.

"No, no...best leave the scare-dy cats out of this cat chase." Hammer said.

"In that case...catnip, cat food, mice, fish..." chaos said, "I'm not very sure." "We don't have that kind of stuff on our ship!" Hammer said, "We'll have to be crafty!"

Tony was in his room looking through some internet sites for the hottest cities in the galaxy. It was really boring and lonely if you could imagine. He heard little footsteps on the floor and heard a playful meow as the cat jump up on Tony's bed and began his purr motor. Tony sighed.

"I'm in a bad mood. Leave me alone." Tony said to it strictly, as though it were a child. The cat rubbed it's head against Tony's arms and snuggled up to his chest.

"Go play with someone else, I'm busy." Tony said angrily. He picked up the cat and put him beside his bed. Just then, the automatic door flew open. Hammer and chaos were at the door.

"There's Elephant!" hammer yelled.

"I told you he liked Tony." chaos said. At the sound of Hammer's voice the cat flew away again, under Hammer's feet.

"He's getting away! Get that Elephant!" Hammer said, a bug catching net in his hands.

"What's going on!" Tony yelled in confusion.

"Elephant's on the loose and we gotta catch him!" Hammer said.

"Dude...elephants don't exist. besides, if there was an elephant here, it wouldn't be that hard to catch." Tony said confused, yet amused. Hammer sighed.

"It's the name of the cat. Elephant." Hammer said. Tony stood up suddenly.

"What! That's a stupid name, no wonder he ran away." Tony said in the cat's defense. Hammer growled.

"What's wrong with it, extinct animals are cool!" Hammer said, pointing his finger. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Elephants were so stupid and useless that they HAD to be wiped out of existence. What do you think, chaos? What would you name him?" Tony said, "You'd never call a cat Elephant, would you?"

"Well..." started chaos, obviously thinking deep about it, "I think I would call him Feather. Since his fur feels like feathers and he sort of white-gray." Tony looked at them both with slanted eyes.

"Man, you guys suck at naming cats. Mean...really. They're gonna have to be called this their whole lives." Tony said, as though he was talking to children that didn't understand a concept he was trying to teach. Hammer got furious.

"Oh ya, Mr. Naming Master, what would you call him?" Hammer voiced, without really caring about the answer.

Seeming as though he had already thought about it, Tony breathed in a big breath of air, huffing his chest out and placing his arms on his hips.

"Troy." Tony said. Hammer and chaos didn't speak for a moment in confusion.

"Well that's cute...why would you name him Troy?" chaos asked.

"Because," Tony said with a charismatic grin, "Troy wasn't built in a day." "That's Rome you idiot! I don't care what it's name is, let's just get it before the captain sees!" Hammer said, picking up his net again.

"Come here, Elephant!" hammer said, coaxing on the kitten that was backed into the corner.

"Don't be afraid, Feather." chaos said calmly, outstretching his hand.

"Hey Troy, I didn't mean what i said back there, I want to play with you now." Tony said, sitting down and slapping his thighs as though to motion his to sit on his lap. The kitten looked at Hammer and then Tony and didn't seem to want to move.

"Hammer, could you leave for a moment? Your giant net may be scaring the kitten." chaos said. Hammer looked at chaos with anger in his soul and slinked away, muttering something about how he never gets anything, Tony always gets it.

"Tony, is there anything you'd like to get out in the open?" chaos asked. Tony looked at him like he was crazy.

"Uhh...I've never liked you hair?" Tony said questioningly.

"No, not to me...to Troy." chaos said, "Now that Hammer is gone." Tony looked at the shivering ball of fluff and sighed deeply, looking to chaos and then back at it.

"I used to have a cat when I was real little. He was my best friend and the only thing I could really love that loved me back. The he...just went away. He coulda died, been stolen, forgotten me, anything. It got me pissed, and I hated cats after that. I didn't know how stupid it was to blame him when I didn't know wut happened. Then I hated myself. So I guess I don't know what I'm feeling, but it's nothing I'd want to say in front of the boys. Besides chaos." Tony said. The kitten crept closer, looking attentive yet purring loudly. Tony opened his arms.

"Come on ya bag of bones, I don't wanna get fired." Tony said in a blatant, bored tone, "I'm gone with this feeling crap." The kitten purred as it leaped onto Tony's lap and Tony grabbed him up.

"What do we do with the fugitive?" Tony said to chaos.

"We can throw him overboard into space." chaos said.

"WHAT! NO!" Tony yelled. He paused, then grimace, "Oh...I hate you."

"Captain?" chaos walked into the cafe with hammer and Tony slinking behind him.

"Whaddya want, chaos?" Matthews said, downing some sort of alcoholic drink. Chaos was pushed forward by the other two.

"Well...we found...a peculiar object onboard and well...we were wondering if wee could keep it." chaos said timidly. Matthews took a big gulp and wiped his mouth.

"Peculiar? What the hell are you talking about?" Matthew roared. Tony stepped forward, the kitten outstretched in his arms.

"Uhh...Troy here. He was in the hangar." "Whatever. As long as it's free." Matthews said. The crew was stunned. having expected being yelled at, they were cut slack, "Now did you decide where we're going next week?"

"Uhh...about that..."

"Troy was _SO_ not built in a day."

AN: There. A new chapter. HA! hahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA haha Showed you! I've had this idea for a little bit and I finally wrote it. yay! It's pretty long compared to the other chapters I think. I hope people enjoyed it. PLEEEASE review, I really love reviews. They make me happy and sometimes they make be break out into showtunes. That's how much your consent matters to me. sparkly eyes


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